Angelica Horvatic

Worldwide Trauma Recovery Practitioner

How to stop comparing your relationship to everyone else’s?

1. Find comfort within

When you look to outside relationships to define or validate your own, it can be a sign that you are lacking confidence in your current status.

To feel more confident, fight the urge to let other couples’ romantic benchmarks dictate your own. Instead, remind yourself of the various desires you have besides romance, and celebrate the areas in which you’re finding fulfilment.

2. Avoid the blame game

Rather than employing blame or shame, focus on what you like about your connection: how much your mate makes you laugh or the way they care for you.

Then, actively do more things to please each other ( like playing tennis, even if that’s not your favourite ), and voice your appreciation when they do the same.

3. Get real with friends

Shatter the assumption that your friends are in ecstatic relationships by having more open and honest conversations with them. Share your own love challenges, and ask them if they’ve ever had a similar experience. It shifts your inner dialogue from a sense of defeat to relief that you are not alone. And once you reveal more, your friends can offer advice and support.

4. Turn jealousy into action

Your first reaction may be jealousy when you see a couple on Instagram hiking a beautiful trail while you and your love are riding the couch. But remember: You have the power to change! So if you can’t help but compare, use the duo you respect as an inspiration.

5. Take a break from scrolling

If all else fails, get off social media for a few days… or weeks. The time away will help you realise that striving to be someone else is a frustrating experience. Instead, focus on being the very best version of you and staying grounded in the here and now of your own life.

~ Esther Perel