Abusers carry a high level of entitlement and selfishness.
Entitlement is defined as the inability to tolerate frustration.
So someone who is incredibly entitled has a deeply ingrained belief ( sometimes unconscious ) that the world owes them something.
Abusers consider abusive behaviour not only acceptable but justified — both a right and a privilege.
In intimate relationships and in their relationships with their children, abusers present their behaviour as harmless, and frame their abusive actions as ‘normal reactions’ to things their partner or their child is ‘doing to them’.
This type of person often feels they are always right and do not like to have anything not go their way.
In order to be able to control their environment, including the people around them ( control them to the point that they never have to do anything they don’t want to do or not to have to tolerate anything they don’t want to tolerate ), having the ability to control the person completely allows them to continue to exist in their own entitled world.
Something that causes one to have a sense of entitlement is a deep seated insecurity, sometimes combined with self loathing.
” I was meant to be successful / rich / famous, etc…”
” I should be so much more than I am and it’s all their fault that I am not, so I am going to take it out on everyone.
Entitlement is a trait that is often born inside of someone early on in childhood, usually caused by neglect, abuse, abandonment or by being spoiled.
It manifests as constant need for attention or validation, lack of gratitude, not understanding or respecting the boundaries of others and avoiding the responsibility for their actions or the consequences of their behavior.
Some powerful questions for taking radical responsibility in those circumstances by Dr Nicole LePera are:
1. What did I learn from that interaction?
2. How can I be a better version of myself the next time I face these emotions?
3. What unconscious payoff did I get in that situation? (ie— I get to feel alone, misunderstood, or not considered)
These are almost always tied to the emotions we felt in childhood with parent figures.
4. In what areas do I blame other people for my actions?
5. Have I been curious, asked questions, and clearly communicated my needs or have I expected people to just know what I need?
6. Am I empowering myself, or am I speaking to myself in a way a harsh or abusive parent would?
7. Am I conscious to the energy I bring to a room, to my relationships, to strangers?
8. When things don’t go “my way” do I react from a space of entitlement ( demanding, or having tantrums ) or do I respond from a space of grounded confidence?
9. When someone gives me a feedback on how they’re experiencing me do I reflect on it, or do become defensive or immediately deflect?
10. Am trying to unconsciously control people, or do I have clear boundaries that allow me to feel calm and relaxed?
FREE YOUR SHADOW. LIVE YOUR TRUTH.