Angelica Horvatic

Consistency in Therapy is Imortant – but What if your Therapist is Consistently Inconsistent?

Angelica Horvatic

Recently I decided to try out couple therapy again.

My partner and me decided on the person we wanted to work with based of his online posts on relationships, psychology and spirituality which we both loved to read and found them deep and powerful.

As we started working with him it quickly turned out he was chaotic, unreliable, disorganised, unstable and in his own mess, not being able to prioritise us and commit to our care. 

First session he resheduled 30 min before the session. Second session was hard to even book, he managed to send his availabilty two days before.

Third session he cancelled one hour before the session.

Already in his txts before our first session, he was explaining his personal problems as his excuses for why he wasn’t able to show up on time for our session. 

And when I dared to say that last min resheduling is not ok with me, he tried very disrespectfully, unethically and unprofessionally manipulate me sending me a txt ‘ well now at least we got a trigger to work on with you’ followed by laughing emoji. 

Although I didn’t have a good feeling, I decided to give it a one more go. 

When he cancelled our last session one hour before the session, again giving higher force and his family emergency as an excuse ( rationalizing the inexcusable ), I decided that was enough for me. 

The basic foundation of the therapeutic relationship is TRUST. 

But how can a client develop trust in unreliable therapist who does not consistently show up to their appointments?

One cannot develop trust if they don’t even know if their therapist is going to show up.

No one should ever have to get a therapeutic containment from a person who can’t keep their appointments.

Clients have a right to their weekly hour, starting and ending on time, with the full and attentive presence of their therapist.

People coming to therapy are looking to receive support and when sessions are inconsistent, with therapist never or rarely there or available, clients simply can not meet their THERAPY NEEDS. 

Therapists, coaches, counsellors and mental health professionals are of course all humans too and have busy and complicated lives just like their clients do. 

But if your THERAPIST frequently shows up late, reschedules, cancels your sessions, that shows that the therapist HAS NOT PRIORITIZED YOU and is NOT COMMITTED TO YOUR CARE.

While life does happen, this is unethical, undermines the therapeutic relationship and should never ever be acceptable. 

Those continuous unexpected cancellations can interrupt your therapeutic process before it even starts.

As a trained professional, your therapist has a DUTY OF CARE towards you. 

If they keep canceling or rescheduling their sessions and even worse, they do it last min, they are going against their ethics – this is a sign of lousy therapist behaviour, even if they have a valid explanation for these actions.

The “FRAME” is there for a reason, it’s a big part of therapy and the therapist is the one who should be keeping it in place, respecting clients time.

Most people look forward to their weekly sessions, and they wait and prepare themselves for their therapy sessions emotionally.  

Cancelling last minute really disrupts this. 

Part of therapist’s job is showing up consistently, showing their clients what trust, safety, consistency and reliability feels like. 

Therapy under the best of circumstances is tough enough; asking a client to run an obstacle course is beyond unprofessional. 

If a client would regularly cancel or reshedule their sessions, there would need to be a big conversation about readiness, willingness to do the work, client’s resistance, etc. 

So for the therapist to regularly ( last min ) reschedule their sessions is UNPROFESSIONAL at best, and INEFFECTIVE, UNETHICAL and causing HARM, at worst.

Traumatised, vulnerable, sensitive people who struggle with anxiety or are prone to depression and suicidal thoughts rely on a routine to maintain stability, and good therapy requires consistency and mutual trust. 

Resheduling or canceling their sessions, especially last min, can affect them negatively and do much damage, leaving people feeling undervalued, disrespected,abandoned, ignored, unimportant, and worthless. For some people their sessions can be matter of Life or Death.

Unfortunately clients with disorganised therapists can often fall into ( or worse get pressured into ) needing to understand and accept their argument that “Therapists Are Just Humans”.

Instead of owning up for not meeting reasonable work and safety standards for their clients, for not showing up consistently for those vulnerable people, for disrespecting their time, disrupting therapy process and betraying their trust, therapists are putting it on their clients, finding reasons why that’s good or “therapeutic” for them.

Yes, a therapist is a human being who has their own life and their own understandable life reasons, but that doesn’t mean you have to keep paying them for unsatisfactory services and swallow it every time they mess up. 

People who come for therapy deserve someone who RESPECT THEIR TIME and the EFFORT and ENERGY they put into their therapy.

Clients deserve stability and ability to be consistent from their therapist.

Some therapists who think this type of behaviour is ok, also say: “My clients understand.” 

But those clients most often are just too anxious or afraid to speak up. 

Most of those people are in therapy because they have a very little or no sense of self, their needs and boundaries. 

They can have a low self-esteem or can be shy, afraid of confrontations and don’t know WHAT THEY need, deserve and SHOULD ACCEPT from a therapist.

There are some people who make great therapists, and then there are the others who absolutely shouldn’t be in that profession.

Therapists who are bad with time management and are disorganised should really rethink their career choice. 

If they need to take time off, then do it – if they need a different career, do that – don’t cause mess in your client scheduling.

If a therapist is struggling and going through a crisis, they need to take time to care for themselves and the others in their life, for their own therapy and not export their chaos onto their clients. 

As it’s not a client’s responsibility and their job to understand, support, and take care of their therapist, it’s supposed to be the other way around.

Free Your Shadow. Live Your Truth.