Is Verbal Abuse Ever OK? • Angelica Horvatic

Is Verbal Abuse Ever OK?

My husband and me have recently agreed we won’t shout, raise our voices at each other nor use any profanity in our marriage.

 

We have made a decision to forever stop with our yelling, screaming and cursing.

 

We have thankfully realized it is the time to work on taming our egos during our uncomfortable disagreements.

 

We have committed to our life together without the abuse.

 

This has been one of the best decisions we have ever made.

 

Actually, this must have been the best decision and the commitment I have ever made in any of my relationships.

 

I grew up in the house with loads of verbal and physical abuse.

 

 

And although a big part of me has always hated it, the other part of me seemed to get used to it.

 

The voice in me kept saying: What’s the big deal for us both in letting some steam off occasionally?

 

I am so happy and proud of us both making this decision, and I only wish we have done it from the beginning of our relationship.

 

Since my husband and me made this commitment, I feel so much safer to express myself, saying what I feel, think and believe.

 

I am also over the moon how beautifully, gently, lovingly and peacefully our conversations flow now.

 

And also how much more time for love and fun we have gained by making this decision.
It feels an amazing win-win situation for us both.

 

I actually wondered why did it take me / us this long to get to it?

 

Why did we waste so much of our valuable time and energy on saying horrible stuff to each other and treating each other badly?

 

It is scary how addictive our patterns and behaviours can become.

 

Once we learn we can get away with abusing our partner, it seems really hard not to do it, every time he or she ‘uspets us’.

 

I think it is important to remember that yelling, screaming, shouting and cursing are all verbal ABUSE which distract and prevent us from being present in the discussion or a disagreement.

 

Shouting at our partner never achieves anything good – he or she won’t hear or understand us better because we raise our voice.

 

The saddest part of these type of behaviours is that every word we let out, can never be taken back in.
Both parties forever remember what was said in anger.

 

And all those dozens, hundreds and thousands apologises afterwards cannot erase our ugly words, nor make up for the damage caused.

 

So many relationships end because people don’t know how to talk without it turning into a screaming match.

 

It is time to unlearn our old, unhealthy, toxic patterns.

 

It is time to learn and practice to interact, communicate and respectfully disagree.

 

That doesn’t mean we should suppress and deny our feelings and emotions.

 

Our anger is a normal and natural reaction.

 

There is nothing wrong with any of our emotions.

 

The actions that we take upon feeling angry are the ones we should take care of.

 

So let us pause, breathe, walk away, cry, scream in the pillow, punch a punching bag, go for a run, collect our thoughts, do a self-evaluation, and come back together only when we are both able to talk in calm and effective way.

 

If more of us would commit to these rules, we could have more successful relationships and marriages.

 

Let us work on our communication, dedication, commitment, vulnerability and the team work in our relationships.

 

Let us respect and nurture one another in order to transform and build stronger and healthier relationships.

 

Sending peace and love to everyone.❤️🙏❤️

 

Conquer your mountain!

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